Out of the Ashes

Saturday July 7th 2007 -  The day I arrived here - beautiful Victoria BC Canada. It is crazy to think that was a  decade ago - just shy of 24 years old - not having a clue what was coming, only that I needed a change. A chance to find myself , a chance to see what my heart wanted, what my soul was crying out for. All I knew is I needed a change. I had done all the growing up that London Ontario had for me ... so it was time to take everything - all my preconceived notions of my self and what others thought of me - or what I thought they thought of me. I need to try and leave that behind and find the room to make the mistakes and have the set backs without judgement of familiarity and ideas of what you were to become - those things in life that can hold us back (without even realizing it). I needed to take all my hurts, the darkness I lived in, and the pain that I hid with me and find a way out, find out who I truly was. I knew, deep down that this was the only way I was goin...

"It has been said that real freedom is about setting others free. In the spirit of that powerful definition, my greatest hope is that we will reach out across our differences and through our shame to share our stories and to connect with those who need to hear, 'you are not alone'." - Brene Brown I was talking to my husband the other day about  how the nervous system stores energy and the chemicals that course through your body throughout your life and if you don't expel them they can become a part of your body - a part of YOU. This is something we all deal with bits and pieces of - but then there are the types that live in a high anxiety state all the time - and we don't ever let our guard down - those emotions continue held up there in those muscles and muscle memory - and then your body wraps the chemicals in fat cells to protect you from them. But, these chemicals become a part of your muscles, your organs, throughout your whole body   ... so after year...

Let me tell you a story about a little girl. If you looked at this little girl's life from the outside, you may think that she has it all. A strong loving family and everything a little girl could need to start out in a positive way. Now, this little girl went to church and then school and learned very quickly through some early learned and/or picked up habits of interacting with people. Without getting into the how or why for now - no matter where she went or what she did - it seemed that she would get picked on, used, abused, or let down. On top of that, fear started driving her every move and decision. So, picture waking up each and every day, dreading the thought of leaving the house... to go anywhere or do anything. Especially school. Dreading the people you would have to be around and how they would (purposefully or unintentionally) make you feel a even less like a person and more like - at best an inconvenience and at worst a problem. So, her life was spent hiding from peo...

I hope at some point I can look back and say what started as a burning desire in my heart to change the world - set out to actually make huge difference, in our community and then world wide and succeeded. I have been taking this idea with me wherever I go lately - Facebook, Instagram, my way of life and then this past weekend my amazing husband (not sure what I would do without this man) said to me the other day - So, why don't we do something bigger with this and see where this can go and how it can change the world? I will make up some T-Shirts, we can give the profits to charity and go from there. So there is still a lot of logistics that need to come together ... but the basic premise is this: I (we) want to take the simple hashtag #changetheworldwithme - put it on  T-Shirts, Tank Tops, hoodies, etc and eventually different types of merchandise  - sell them and then take the ALL the profits and give to different charities and causes. Obviously it takes a lot of thought...

"I'm dying to breath in these abundant skies" - Switchfoot (Learning to Breath) Breathing... one of the fundamentals of life. Often taken for granted in our day to day lives. But, it can also be where so many troubles lie deep down - from our emotional state, physical state, physiological state, and sometimes our spiritual state. It can allow for an immense amount of freedom - or the opposite. Breathing rate is one of the first physiological reactions we have when we are anxious or overcome with stress in our day and yet it can also plays a large part in calming ourselves down from those moments as well. There are numerous studies been down and many different practices to help us find our "center" and we are told all the time to "breath through it" or "take a breath"... I have been reading Brene Brown's books the past couple months (they have been amazing to read through the journey I have been on lately). Last night as I was readin...

I went head first  into explaining some of  the darkness I have faced in my previous post with basically a brief breakdown of what I felt and went through in my life and how I could see my way out of it. What I didn't explain though was how some of those hard places, those habitual ways of dealing with people as well as some of the ways I interacted with the world and towards yourself, could still be used for much good after some healing has taken place. When you live your life in a way that numbs, hides, or discounts your needs and you become a chameleon of sorts, you have a unique ability going forward to find yourself in situations later in life that you may be uncomfortable with and yet hide said discomfort and push your way through it because you had learned how to be someone else for so long. Or, you can be present in many different situations others may find extremely uncomfortable or not be willing to be apart of (for many different reasons). I am trying hard to exp...

I couldn't think of a more suitable title for this particular post than just . . . Darkness - due to the fact that when you are in such a place where darkness seems to be all there is - what else needs to be said. I know everyone's experiences in life are different, and I know that there is very little cross over for what caused darkness in one persons life over another. However, I do know darkness - very well. I know it like I know my last name. I know it can be scary and I know it can feel like it is consuming you. I don't think we need to worry or examine the differences of exactly how one person can feel surrounded and enveloped by darkness over another. I think what I want to do, is let anyone who needs to hear it know that I have been there. I have sat, alone in complete darkness - alone with my damning thoughts and shameful feelings. With the voices of every single person or negative idea that had ever entered my head. I have had those thoughts control me for long p...

I have found that sometimes the smallest things can grow into life changing revelations.  I have seen little seeds that have been planted in my heart or mind the last year start growing - slow at first and then all of sudden it's like they are these living, breathing, alive ideas or parts of me that may seem  to come out of no where. People start coming into your life, you see, hear, or experience something that you put into the back of your mind (there are a million and one ways these little things can find their way into your life) and if you have an environment for them to thrive in and you are open to finding the positive or wanting to grow as a person, a leader, or be better in your chosen craft, wanting to see good in the world, or wanting to change the world, these small things start growing. Sometimes they hurt as they grow and other times they cause an immense amount of joy - but we can't just take the seeds that allow us to feel good inside, because some growth can...

"Well I fought with a stranger and I met myself. I opened my mouth and I heard myself. It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself. Guess I could have made it easier on myself. But I, I could never follow" Dixie Chicks - The Long Way Around I have never been one to take the most direct route in life and sometimes you could wonder how things could have looked if you did - or what could have been accomplished sooner - but then I guess you could say that if the route that was taken was not taken then  than would we be where we are. I think sometimes the best things in life are found on the journey...by taking a circuitous and unknown route in life and in that trying to find the way around to where I think I am going, and sometimes it ends up being nothing like I thought it would be. Yet, I have had the unique pleasure of meeting some amazing people along the way. I will say it isn't easy knowing where you want to be and yet taking a long windy approach to the...

This could be one of those posts - and ideas I have like many that may continue to come up -this one in particular because well I have a blog and a tattoo with this mythical bird as the muse and a life that has been made new out of ashes several times. So, it is obvious - I love the Phoenix - it is my favorite mythical creature or idea that has come out of ancient folklore and has spiritual connotations for me that stick with me every day and remind me to stay grounded and keep finding my best self and seeking to help others find theirs. It is stated that this mythical creature will throw itself into flames and then will arise, reborn from it's ashes. This has always been a beautiful thought and idea to me and has allowed me many hours of reflection on the relevance in our own lives. How many times do we find ourselves throughout our lives, at the end of our ropes or at the end of what we believe is our limit. In a place where the only way sometimes to move forward is to throw o...

I have been seeing a massage therapist this year pretty regularly this part year (by far the best RMT I have ever been to but that is besides the point). After my last therapy, she was talking about the Tensegrity Model with respect to the way that it works and moves. So, I checked it out - and basically it is this... Tensegrity Model " is a  structural  principle based on the use of isolated components in  compression  inside a net of continuous  tension , in such a way that the compressed members (usually bars or struts) do not touch each other and the  prestressed  tensioned members (usually cables or tendons) delineate the system spatially" [1] Apparently the easiest way to understand it is to get a model and hold it in your hand - which I can say is true ... you can then can watch the properties of the model for yourself. But the basis of it is that the model holds it shape as long as all the strings are intact. cut or over-stretch  a...

July 7th - a completely innocuous day to most people (unless your birthday happens to fall on that date - then happiest birthday to you). A day that can come and go year after year without a thought - other than who doesn't like summer time... However - for me - it is a day I will never forget as long as I live - as it marks a complete change in my life - a switch from the comfortable and easy and into the unknown and challenging. The day I arrived to the little rock I now call home. I decided late in 2006 that I was going to to move to Victoria BC Canada after finishing my degree at the University of Western Ontario - from my hometown of London ON. A 4932km drive away from my family, friends, and loved ones to an unknown city full of possibility that scared me to my core. I followed a slight nudge from my heart to do something for me, so I did. Saturday July 7 2007 - I arrived here a scared and very young sheltered girl. Moving into a two month rental to try and find a job an...

I like to call this place the beginning ... the first step on a life long journey - Find a way to believe in yourself - what you are capable of - and that you are worthy of your dreams. I think the biggest thing that a lot of us tend to deal with is the belief in ourselves . The main question I hear when talking to people (spoken or unspoken) is - if they are worthy of their dreams. So many people give up - because they are to afraid to ask themselves that very question, because it is just easier to - or they have had others tell them they are not worthy - either by their actions or outright ridicule. I struggled with this a lot in my life - and some days I still have to fight it - it never completely goes away. Remember, there are always people, situations, or your inner demons that want  you to fail or never try, or give up. I grew up as an oldest of two daughters in an very loving and good home environment (and I tell you this first, because it helps to  understand...

How many times in life to we see flaws in ourselves - and if you are anything like me, you tend to see our own flaws in a magnified view. I over analyze so much about myself on a minute by minute basis. Critiquing so much more than just my body or my hair (as most women do) - but everything I do. I think that seeing our flaws is not a bad thing - but we must constantly be using them to make a positive difference in our lives - not drag us down. When you see something you want to do better or see something that you could work on - use that as inspiration to change that thing about ourselves. The take away we can get is this - instead of looking at your body and not being happy with it - take a step back - and see how you could make yourself healthier. I have come to realize that regular exercise and healthy eating can do wonders for our bodies and our minds. Being healthy is and always should remain our number one focus though. On another note - when you see something you are not do...

At the start of this year I  was in a pretty big funk -- and I barely even admitted to my self until recently - however I am trying to turn over a new leaf and express myself - shortcomings and all to maybe help others or at very least myself.  I am mostly, at least on the exterior, a pretty tough nut and I keep a lot of my problems and emotions pretty tight to my chest - which is something that I am slowly trying to change in this venue anyway. So, along that line - I was just cranky all the time (for lack of a better word) and certainly not enjoying myself at all - with any aspect of my life. I was feeling overwhelmed and always exhausted. It had me loosing my focus as to what I do best in life and the passion that i have for what I do - not just with my store but my entire life. The negativity was crippling everything. I felt that I could not grab control of anything at all which had me extremely discouraged. I then met someone that through the way they lived and how much...

If your belief in yourself was unaffected by past experiences or lost dreams - where could you take yourself? How would you deal with your day to day life differently? What would you want for yourself and your future? I have been asking myself this everyday for the last two years - finding new answers to it - and in those answers I find new deeper beliefs in myself and what I want out of my life!  You can get there - it takes commitment to finding yours  first though, outside of every though that has been implanted into your mind and your being ... There is no limit to what you can accomplish. But you must believe in yourself first and fully buy in!  Belief in yourself and your absolutes is paramount to your success personally and in business!. I urge you to start this journey today... I will be back with more of my experiences on my journey and it will hopefully help you start yours! For more on my past journey  - this blog goes back about a decade .... Showin...

My thoughts have been recently trying to understand the differences between people - how some people seem to power through and have an incredible amount of drive and then others seem to live life in their comfort zone. Most people, if they have the excuse ready for why it justifies in their heads why they didn't or can't succeed. Of course, this can be seen from the other side as well -  you can't succeed if you always have doubts in your heads and reasons ready for why you can't accomplish something or if you never put the full weight of your own belief in yourself behind it. How could you ever expect to go past where you think you can go without your own belief behind it? I have been on both sides of this mental state and I can honestly say that they human mind (and it's belief in ourselves) is one of the most powerful tools we have. It can take our bodies and our lives past most things that get in its way. Positive thinking and an inner belief in yourself is ou...