Out of the Ashes

I went head first  into explaining some of  the darkness I have faced in my previous post with basically a brief breakdown of what I felt and went through in my life and how I could see my way out of it. What I didn't explain though was how some of those hard places, those habitual ways of dealing with people as well as some of the ways I interacted with the world and towards yourself, could still be used for much good after some healing has taken place. When you live your life in a way that numbs, hides, or discounts your needs and you become a chameleon of sorts, you have a unique ability going forward to find yourself in situations later in life that you may be uncomfortable with and yet hide said discomfort and push your way through it because you had learned how to be someone else for so long. Or, you can be present in many different situations others may find extremely uncomfortable or not be willing to be apart of (for many different reasons). I am trying hard to explain

I couldn't think of a more suitable title for this particular post than just . . . Darkness - due to the fact that when you are in such a place where darkness seems to be all there is - what else needs to be said. I know everyone's experiences in life are different, and I know that there is very little cross over for what caused darkness in one persons life over another. However, I do know darkness - very well. I know it like I know my last name. I know it can be scary and I know it can feel like it is consuming you. I don't think we need to worry or examine the differences of exactly how one person can feel surrounded and enveloped by darkness over another. I think what I want to do, is let anyone who needs to hear it know that I have been there. I have sat, alone in complete darkness - alone with my damning thoughts and shameful feelings. With the voices of every single person or negative idea that had ever entered my head. I have had those thoughts control me for long p

I have found that sometimes the smallest things can grow into life changing revelations.  I have seen little seeds that have been planted in my heart or mind the last year start growing - slow at first and then all of sudden it's like they are these living, breathing, alive ideas or parts of me that may seem  to come out of no where. People start coming into your life, you see, hear, or experience something that you put into the back of your mind (there are a million and one ways these little things can find their way into your life) and if you have an environment for them to thrive in and you are open to finding the positive or wanting to grow as a person, a leader, or be better in your chosen craft, wanting to see good in the world, or wanting to change the world, these small things start growing. Sometimes they hurt as they grow and other times they cause an immense amount of joy - but we can't just take the seeds that allow us to feel good inside, because some growth can