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A Decade Past - a New One Beginning

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Saturday July 7th 2007 -  The day I arrived here - beautiful Victoria BC Canada.
It is crazy to think that was a  decade ago - just shy of 24 years old - not having a clue what was coming, only that I needed a change. A chance to find myself , a chance to see what my heart wanted, what my soul was crying out for. All I knew is I needed a change.
I had done all the growing up that London Ontario had for me ... so it was time to take everything - all my preconceived notions of my self and what others thought of me - or what I thought they thought of me. I need to try and leave that behind and find the room to make the mistakes and have the set backs without judgement of familiarity and ideas of what you were to become - those things in life that can hold us back (without even realizing it). I needed to take all my hurts, the darkness I lived in, and the pain that I hid with me and find a way out, find out who I truly was. I knew, deep down that this was the only way I was going to see wha…

detoxing from anxiety

"It has been said that real freedom is about setting others free. In the spirit of that powerful definition, my greatest hope is that we will reach out across our differences and through our shame to share our stories and to connect with those who need to hear, 'you are not alone'." - Brene Brown


I was talking to my husband the other day about  how the nervous system stores energy and the chemicals that course through your body throughout your life and if you don't expel them they can become a part of your body - a part of YOU. This is something we all deal with bits and pieces of - but then there are the types that live in a high anxiety state all the time - and we don't ever let our guard down - those emotions continue held up there in those muscles and muscle memory - and then your body wraps the chemicals in fat cells to protect you from them. But, these chemicals become a part of your muscles, your organs, throughout your whole body... so after years of …

a story behind high functioning anxiety

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Let me tell you a story about a little girl. If you looked at this little girl's life from the outside, you may think that she has it all. A strong loving family and everything a little girl could need to start out in a positive way. Now, this little girl went to church and then school and learned very quickly through some early learned and/or picked up habits of interacting with people. Without getting into the how or why for now - no matter where she went or what she did - it seemed that she would get picked on, used, abused, or let down. On top of that, fear started driving her every move and decision. So, picture waking up each and every day, dreading the thought of leaving the house... to go anywhere or do anything. Especially school. Dreading the people you would have to be around and how they would (purposefully or unintentionally) make you feel a even less like a person and more like - at best an inconvenience and at worst a problem. So, her life was spent hiding from peo…

#changetheworldwithme (The Movement)

I hope at some point I can look back and say what started as a burning desire in my heart to change the world - set out to actually make huge difference, in our community and then world wide and succeeded.
I have been taking this idea with me wherever I go lately - Facebook, Instagram, my way of life and then this past weekend my amazing husband (not sure what I would do without this man) said to me the other day - So, why don't we do something bigger with this and see where this can go and how it can change the world? I will make up some T-Shirts, we can give the profits to charity and go from there.

So there is still a lot of logistics that need to come together ... but the basic premise is this: I (we) want to take the simple hashtag #changetheworldwithme - put it on  T-Shirts, Tank Tops, hoodies, etc and eventually different types of merchandise  - sell them and then take the ALL the profits and give to different charities and causes. Obviously it takes a lot of thought and in…

bReath . . . INg

"I'm dying to breath in these abundant skies" - Switchfoot (Learning to Breath)

Breathing... one of the fundamentals of life. Often taken for granted in our day to day lives. But, it can also be where so many troubles lie deep down - from our emotional state, physical state, physiological state, and sometimes our spiritual state. It can allow for an immense amount of freedom - or the opposite. Breathing rate is one of the first physiological reactions we have when we are anxious or overcome with stress in our day and yet it can also plays a large part in calming ourselves down from those moments as well. There are numerous studies been down and many different practices to help us find our "center" and we are told all the time to "breath through it" or "take a breath"...

I have been reading Brene Brown's books the past couple months (they have been amazing to read through the journey I have been on lately).
Last night as I was reading &…

Using Your Past to Change the World

I went head first  into explaining some of  the darkness I have faced in my previous post with basically a brief breakdown of what I felt and went through in my life and how I could see my way out of it.
What I didn't explain though was how some of those hard places, those habitual ways of dealing with people as well as some of the ways I interacted with the world and towards yourself, could still be used for much good after some healing has taken place.
When you live your life in a way that numbs, hides, or discounts your needs and you become a chameleon of sorts, you have a unique ability going forward to find yourself in situations later in life that you may be uncomfortable with and yet hide said discomfort and push your way through it because you had learned how to be someone else for so long. Or, you can be present in many different situations others may find extremely uncomfortable or not be willing to be apart of (for many different reasons).
I am trying hard to explain an…

. . .Darkness

I couldn't think of a more suitable title for this particular post than just . . . Darkness - due to the fact that when you are in such a place where darkness seems to be all there is - what else needs to be said.
I know everyone's experiences in life are different, and I know that there is very little cross over for what caused darkness in one persons life over another. However, I do know darkness - very well. I know it like I know my last name. I know it can be scary and I know it can feel like it is consuming you. I don't think we need to worry or examine the differences of exactly how one person can feel surrounded and enveloped by darkness over another. I think what I want to do, is let anyone who needs to hear it know that I have been there. I have sat, alone in complete darkness - alone with my damning thoughts and shameful feelings. With the voices of every single person or negative idea that had ever entered my head. I have had those thoughts control me for long p…