Out of the Ashes

"i'm watching myself as i fall through the cracks of my disessembled life and i know there is nothing i can do to prevent this precarious fall cause now my hands are slowly slipping off this crumbling ledge and i am left hanging here with my dangerous thoughts and my prayer for you to catch me before i hit the ground"

"where do we go from here? whats the next step - i'm asking because i want to know what you're thinking! i'm not sure that i can say goodbye to this unsearched hole we have seemed to dig beneath us. to leave behind the undiscovered possibilities (which could be endless) i'm afraid to even open my mouth because of what might fall out of it. i know that it's not logical to open up a gate that has no place showing it's secrets but i wish we could have seen where this would bring us. and the sensible thing would be to see how life goes and where it brings us . . . but what if it brought us here... here is where we are right now and right now ... i want to spill out my thoughts out for you to hear ... cause if you don't then i just might regret the fact that you left as my heart screamed with all it's might and my just head kept telling it to shut up . . . and you leave without a clue" ac

"everything i could ever hope for is standing right in front of me and i let it pass me by (without even a flinch) i don't want to sit back and let you miss this (miss us) but i'm too afraid and insecure to believe that i could ever be good enough for anyone (let alone you) . . . is it too much to ask for you to want me . . . to need me? . . . before i send up flares that show you the writings on my heart. i want you to find me captivating - to see me for all i am and love me despite my failures. to see me and my naked heart and want no one else is that too much to ask?" ac

"how do you not see me? and how can i feel so passionatly about us when it as never even crossed your mind? and how can i see something that is so far beyond possiblity?" ac

"it's the way you smile that melts my heart. how you can make me love you more as each second passes and as each day slowly crawls by i can only hope to one day get to know your beautiful soul as i know my own. can you read all my eyes are saying? can you hear how much love my heart beats for you? cause if you listen closely they will tell you everything my mouth could never form into words." ac

"I am finally willing to give this up. I've held on so tightly to this dance that we never had and memories only i remember (the ones I made up in my head) and a dream that I thought could be relality that if i don't give it up now, i may loose the ability to discern between the two... so i guess all that is left to do is wait and see if there is really someone out there who will love the me i am so afraid of showing" ac