Out of the Ashes

one thing i have come to realize now more than ever is that there are so many people out there and that most of them are suffering from a lack of love.. from everyone... including myself. we all walk around here and get caught up in our own worlds of whatever we do on a regular basis... of what our week consists of ... and the air of hypocracy crawls around me like a black cloud.... Where did Jesus go too in all of this... where did his radical ideas and out of the box of conventionalism go to ... we seem to have lost sight of exactly what God has called us to do... he didn't say we all need to go out and tell the world they are going to hell... he said we need to go out and make disciples and to love our neighbour (ie. other people) as ourselves... to go out and have lunch with the sick and to be friends with the social outcasts and broken spirited... we are not here to help the heathy - they don't need the help... how do we get so caught up in ourselves... how did selfishness

"through many periods of darkness i am catching glimpses of your light and warmth washing over me here. even though i can't see your face or hear your voice in an audible sense i can tell you are here with me in this moment. i see you in so many places and things that i cannot believe i forget or overlook your majesty. i can be so stubburn and prideful that ignore your plan for my life and treat it so recklessly. but, in this stillness - in this beauty that you created I am soaking you into my soul and rejuvinating my life while enjoying every bit of your creation. And yet, it is distinctly possibly i will once again discredit all you have done, taking it all into my own incapable hands. cause somehow, no matter how much you love me i will enevitably fail at this game as i puppet fails to stand on it's own. There is no concievable reason for my life to deserve redemtion looking thru these human eyes, but i guess that's the unconditional love in it all - cause through t

"I don't know exactly what's going on or how i ended up here but i remember you i remember your smile i remember those incredible eyes i remember your intoxicating life that i would lose myself in but you never saw me and i can't blame you for that so as i sit here drinking my coffee and mulling over the many memories i have in my head i could feel so many different ways the only one that seems fitting is to keep remembering you how i saw you then and dream of the better days ahead " ac - 2004

funny how it always comes back to this... me and you. no matter how long i stay away for or how much i hear from you my world revolves around us (the us that never was) how can i put so much energy into leaving you behind and only end up digging my heels in further?? I am fighting a loosing battle and i almost feel now like i'm wasting my time my soul is tired of waiting for a dream it never even tasted but it seems my heart is set against surrendering to the one thing it can never win" ac - 2003

there is this Sarah Mclachlan song that i absolutly love.and anyone who knows me at all know i think Sarah Mclachlan is about the best singer/songwriter out there... it is written as a love song but every time i here it i think of everything that God does for me and the song reminds me of him more than anything... anyway .. here it is.. Push - Sarah Mclachlan "Everytime I look at you the world just melts away. All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affections, cause you see me at my weakest, but you take me as I am and when I fall you offer me a softer place to land. You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together Your the one true thing I know i can believe in YOu're all the things that I desire you save me, you complete me You're the one true thing I know I can believe. Well, I get mad so easy, but you give me room to breath no matter what I say or do cause your to good to fight about it and even when I have to push just to see how far you'll