The Phoenix Rising
So, it is obvious - I love the Phoenix - it is my favorite mythical creature or idea that has come out of ancient folklore and has spiritual connotations for me that stick with me every day and remind me to stay grounded and keep finding my best self and seeking to help others find theirs. It is stated that this mythical creature will throw itself into flames and then will arise, reborn from it's ashes. This has always been a beautiful thought and idea to me and has allowed me many hours of reflection on the relevance in our own lives. How many times do we find ourselves throughout our lives, at the end of our ropes or at the end of what we believe is our limit. In a place where the only way sometimes to move forward is to throw ourselves up in flames and arise again out of the ashes of our old selves. I don't know how many times I have found myself at this point in my life - but it has been many (some bigger than others). And I know that there are many people out there who have seen the edge of their limits and the want to push them further but unwilling or unable to do so.
There are also many people who find themselves unable to believe that they have any more to give or that they can possibly push themselves any further. Sometimes, we have to take all the broken pieces we have become and allow ourselves to be put back together - stronger.
I have been in several situations in my own life where I couldn't figure out how I found myself there - I have been in dark lonely places where I didn't think I would ever see light again - where I couldn't love myself or find a way that I ever could. Where I didn't see hope or a way back - in those darkest moments - that was when I finally realized the only way out was to find a way to let go of what I was holding on to so tightly (even when at times I didn't even know what that truly was) - everything I thought I believed in - everything I hoped for, the things thought I understood and things I did not even begin to. I sat down where I was and let it all go - and in those ashes I came out and allowed everything that was a part of my past to become a part of me and my future. Every decision, every mistake, every taunt, every negative thought - and then all the positive things as well that were buried, into the big pile and each time - from there, I come out of those ashes with a renewed sense of self and love for myself - with it all coming together and being whole - instead trying to hide so much of myself away in a fumbling attempt to pretend it wasn't a significant part of who I was/am.
Since I am a firm believer that if you feel you cannot be loved by others for who you are and all the past failures and mistakes that made you - than have not found a way to love yourself. If you can't love yourself ... all of you, than how can you possibly find a way for people to love you and accept you or truly love and accept others. You must take a firm hold and accept all you are and if you don't understand or can't piece it all together - as an instance - in those moments you need to let it all go and let your mind, body, and heart show you how it all fits together. I promise you your heart will lead the way if you let it all go and allow yourself to rise up out of that pile of ashes you have become.
We are all capable of great things, incredible things - we are all able to rise way beyond expectations and trials, shames etc. We all have way more inner drive and ability than most of us give ourselves credit for. We all have the ability to change the world we live in - to change the lives of people around us for the better. But, we can't do that, until we stop looking in and stop being worried about who we have become and how our own shames and regrets make us look to others. We cannot have our own inner light shine out of us until we get past the darkness we allow ourselves to live in and the lies we allow ourselves to believe about who we are, how we appear to others, and/or what we can do with our lives.
We have way more power than we will ever know, not just over ourselves but everyone else around us. . . and we use it in many ways with or without our own knowledge. And so often our own hurts, insecurities, and issues about our own lives end up not just ruining our ability to impact the world for the better - but it usually has us negatively effecting the people around us instead and in that, continuing the cycle we go through with shame and regret.
I am still learning so much about how all this works in my life and others, as well as what it all means, but I do know this.... I refuse to hide anymore - I refuse to let myself be stifled and full of fear and shame. Because, once you have seen glimpses of what I speak of - you cannot walk away from it, even if you want to. And once you have allowed yourself to come up out of the ashes and start moving past your insecurities, shames, and judgements - allowing them to combine with your greatness and you feel that freedom - you realize very poignantly how incredibly freeing it all is and how much more positive energy you have and that you can't help but want to use it to make the world around you better.
I am sure I will keep this discussion going at a later date!