Out of the Ashes

"I'm but a tourist passing through here - knowing there is so much more than what 'here' can give... through the perils and struggles amisdt small glimpses of peace, I must convince myself again there is so much more to come. all the lights and colors seem dizzying and can so easily suck you into it's grasp. and as I'm sitting here I can't help but think - 'I can't wait to go home' " ac

"tell me again that I am more than what I see . . . this face in the mirror - all I hate about myself - seems to reflect itself back at me like a slap in the face and all that I want to believe about myself evapourates to quickly to notice - leaving me with this reflection that's so far from all I wish I saw so I'm here in this all to firmilar place begging for grace again" ac

"I wish you could feel my heart, feel it b e a t i n g and know the pain it's feeling. can't you hear it screaming out for something . . . anything. know me - hear my silent cries - it's so lonely here. am I that misunder- stood? or am I just not seen ac

"i fall face down before you and a stand in awe at the works of your hands. You are stirring things up and moving in such obvious and powerful ways and my life although chaotic and painful is full of the sense of your presence. I continue to stand in amazment to your peace and joy that has filled my life through your spirit and i pray that as things continue on this rollercoaster ride that i would not get caught up in all that is flashing by me (at paces quicker than i my eyes can keep up with) and focus on you always and my i always remain humbled by your power and majesty!" ac

i'm so alone and beated down and am being consumed by this black cloud that has engolfed me - I can't even see myself . . . forget anything else in here . . . it's so easy to believe the in things that are circling my head because  it feels as if you have left me alone and there is nothing else but the hope I once had to allow me to believe . . . if you're there I need to hear you . . . If you're with me grab me touch me - remind my heart again what my head has forgotten so easily . . . I need you to come to my rescue and remind me once again of everything I used to be so sure of . . . please awake me from this nightmare"

"groping in the darkness, thrashing my arms at anything in hopes to touch something real . . . something firmilar . . . as my very breath is being held from my lungs and my heart races at this unhealthy pace I am lost in this darkness . . . where are you as I am being taken into this this other world. This voice booms in my head and i can do nothing to wake up from this. . . Fear has gripped onto me, becomes so much of all I feel and refuses to let go Everything I feel is nothing of you . . . where are you as i wake to find this nightmare is now my reality ?"

I truly know right now ... in this moment that you are here. I know right now that there is more to this life then it alone can give me and i fell the greater story being played out through my heart . . . but when the darkness comes and hoping not knowing becomes reality - when blind faith is all there is to grasp with my fingertips . . . when I am searching for life again and start to panic i beg you to whisper into the darkness once more quietly reminding my heart "I exist and I am here" (because that simple fact can be so easy to forget)