Out of the Ashes

"I don't know exactly what's going on or how i ended up here but i remember you i remember your smile i remember those incredible eyes i remember your intoxicating life that i would lose myself in but you never saw me and i can't blame you for that so as i sit here drinking my coffee and mulling over the many memories i have in my head i could feel so many different ways the only one that seems fitting is to keep remembering you how i saw you then and dream of the better days ahead " ac - 2004

funny how it always comes back to this... me and you. no matter how long i stay away for or how much i hear from you my world revolves around us (the us that never was) how can i put so much energy into leaving you behind and only end up digging my heels in further?? I am fighting a loosing battle and i almost feel now like i'm wasting my time my soul is tired of waiting for a dream it never even tasted but it seems my heart is set against surrendering to the one thing it can never win" ac - 2003

"if i could spend the rest of my life in your eyes... i would be a lucky women. they are so real and magical with a sparkle of the unknown which is left in the air like the morning dew as the first ray of sunlight splashes over the horizon. it would be an honor to share your dreams and witness your life - to walk beside you through this short jouney. just looking at your dancing eyes and that incredible and loving smile i can't help but pray that one day i can be a part of your life" ac - 2005

"I'm so afraid of loving again, of opening my heart up - so terrified of rejection and the sting that lasts for so long after everything is said and done and i'm left alone with only my thoughts how do i put myself there again... when there are so many times when i just wasn't good enough - not enough of what they wanted.. i don't want to change who i am just to have love returned but it always seems to be the only way... i guess i just seem to get lost in the shadows of everyone else. and never quite enough. my confidence is lacking words to make me feel better and convince me that i can be myself. Lord i need you to love me and be all i need now and forever i just don't want to end up with another one of these scars on my heart tainted by unrequited love"

This experience is so far away from anything I've ever called home. our lives are worlds apart yet it seems that we could touch... How can beauty be masked by such pain? what if we noticed the beauty that wasn't pretty everyday? the beauty thatlives in this culture day in and out... that we deem a waste of our time. how do we see this part of society and love it pretending that we have not been taught to ignore it all... how do we model Jesus here in this place? this is our culture and the real problem here is how we refuse them the one thing they so desperatly want from us ... acceptance. ac - 2205

"have you read my eyes before? hidden inside them is everything i'm feeling, yet too afraid to speak.. but, if you look close enough you will find all you need to know" ac - 2005

"if you saw deep inside my soul. saw me for everything i am. saw all the love that could be held in my heart only for you... would it phase you? am i fooling myself? if it foolish to believe that you could every love me? hopeless to dream that one day my life could mean more to you than your own? i am lost in my own world of ignorance. set apart from reality seeing only you ... wanting only you. could you ever see past my imperfections? will you ever see me for what i am instead of what i'm not? i might be everything you've been looking for and i can make you happy. there's nothing i wouldn't do and until you give me the chance to prove my words i'll keep wishing you were here" ac