Out of the Ashes

"if i could spend the rest of my life in your eyes... i would be a lucky women. they are so real and magical with a sparkle of the unknown which is left in the air like the morning dew as the first ray of sunlight splashes over the horizon. it would be an honor to share your dreams and witness your life - to walk beside you through this short jouney. just looking at your dancing eyes and that incredible and loving smile i can't help but pray that one day i can be a part of your life" ac - 2005

"I'm so afraid of loving again, of opening my heart up - so terrified of rejection and the sting that lasts for so long after everything is said and done and i'm left alone with only my thoughts how do i put myself there again... when there are so many times when i just wasn't good enough - not enough of what they wanted.. i don't want to change who i am just to have love returned but it always seems to be the only way... i guess i just seem to get lost in the shadows of everyone else. and never quite enough. my confidence is lacking words to make me feel better and convince me that i can be myself. Lord i need you to love me and be all i need now and forever i just don't want to end up with another one of these scars on my heart tainted by unrequited love"

This experience is so far away from anything I've ever called home. our lives are worlds apart yet it seems that we could touch... How can beauty be masked by such pain? what if we noticed the beauty that wasn't pretty everyday? the beauty thatlives in this culture day in and out... that we deem a waste of our time. how do we see this part of society and love it pretending that we have not been taught to ignore it all... how do we model Jesus here in this place? this is our culture and the real problem here is how we refuse them the one thing they so desperatly want from us ... acceptance. ac - 2205

"have you read my eyes before? hidden inside them is everything i'm feeling, yet too afraid to speak.. but, if you look close enough you will find all you need to know" ac - 2005

"if you saw deep inside my soul. saw me for everything i am. saw all the love that could be held in my heart only for you... would it phase you? am i fooling myself? if it foolish to believe that you could every love me? hopeless to dream that one day my life could mean more to you than your own? i am lost in my own world of ignorance. set apart from reality seeing only you ... wanting only you. could you ever see past my imperfections? will you ever see me for what i am instead of what i'm not? i might be everything you've been looking for and i can make you happy. there's nothing i wouldn't do and until you give me the chance to prove my words i'll keep wishing you were here" ac

"how do i say the words that dare not come out of my mouth my mind thinks up such crazy things that so desperatly want to be shared with you - it all seems so jumbled and turned upside down when said out loud (funny how it makes perfect sense in my head) i feel so many things and my emotions are running so high i don't think they'll ever come down. spinning thoughts at a pace i can't keep up with" ac - 2005

"I couldn't stay stuck there forever... i had to pick myself back up and move on - my heart didn't want to, but since you didn't listen to your's i stopped listening to mine. so, my head too it kicking and screaming in the opposite direction of everything I ever hoped for and painted a smile on my face to be honest, it grew on me i couldn't just stay, waiting for you to give me the chance i deserved... so i slowly moved on if you even care" ac 2004

"look at that star isn't it incredible? it's my favorite... i've been reaching for it and no matter how hard i try and how high i jump it never seems to be enough still, i never stop trying - i'm so desperate to see what lies beyond it what would it mean for my insignificant life to actually reach up and grab hold of it? it is always shining brighter each day mocking me as i jump with all my might and yet, i'll never fully realize just how niave it is to reach out for it - the one that will always be just beyond my grasp" ac - 2005