Reasons for Living
I have found in the last few weeks of my life - needing to understand not just my own, but others reasons for doing what they do : living for all intensive purposes. Well I can honestly say from the outside looking in on others lives around me - it can be a bit of a mystery.
However digging into my own processes, thoughts, and life - I have come to realize that life is and has always been for me (albeit at different levels of emotional, mental, and physical strength) - about big picture goals and helping others. Coming from an introvert that can seclude into my house with ease - the later can be tricky and sometimes you need to get creative. By helping others - it can be simple - owning a store gives me the flexibility now that I didn't have before .... and also gives me means and opportunity to do something nice for someone I know.
Money and things that are needs for people have always been something that can easily be given. Can put a smile on someones face and make people pause if not just for a few minutes and think "why" ... from that comes that uncomfortable feeling that can get in the damn way. Why is it that people cannot accept gestures from others - especially when they seem out of no where and that they are unworthy of it... and then it hit me.... there are at least two major reasons (and a host of minor individualize ones) that come to play here.
First of all I believe deep down that we all feel like we are unworthy of someone else going out of their way for us - for any reason [large or small] and because of that we feel incredibly guilty almost of taking something given to us with no rhyme or reason behind it ... and secondly I believe that we have become as a society - people who have what they feel is a clear view of what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours - and when those boundaries are given up my someone so freely and unfounded - then we get uneasy and think there must be something underlying here that I am missing - what's the hidden agenda? what do they want from me in return or out of me? (cause isn't there always something?). And this is not always untrue is the problem - so how is someone supposed to break down these types of social barriers without seeming shady or crooked in some way or another?
I truly find such complete joy out of seeing people happy, surprised, and/or taken back by kindness and thoughtfulness - in small things or big ones. I like to look for ways to do something nice for people - think ahead and find something I can do to help or just make someone smile. How can one truly try to make someones day if always being second guessed.
Well first of all - you need to have some thick skin and be pretty confident in yourself. There will be people that reject the offers and reject your kindness - for many reasons (some of which you may never understand or get to know). This is not something that you should ever feel self conscious over - or you will want to stop doing it all together ...
but to further that point - you can do things for people or use that kindness as a way of finding your self worth in their reactions or doing things because you feel it is the only way that you will be accepted ... I have been there in both cases many times. Finding your worth in your relationships through what you do - is NOT healthy for either side of the exchange. In these cases you are offhandedly asking for affirmation through it that you are not good enough as just you and then also depending on their reaction - you can start believing that you are not even good enough when you try as hard as you can to be liked/loved by others around you. And trust me ... feeling not good enough for the majority of the first 25 years of my life and little bits after that - I can promise you that is it not a fun or easy place to be and is very comfortable to live with every day.
Now back around to the reasons for living - the blogs namesake today --
everyone has a different reasons they get up in the morning - and everyone has different paths they take to find happiness at the end of the day. Some are successful in this - others are not so much.
I have been on every range of this "happiness" scale that one could find .. and truly - first and foremost you find happiness in yourself before you can find it any where else - and from there once you do that - you can truly find your reasons for living - and what you can do in those reasons to help others around you.
I can say this until I am blue in the face - introvert/extrovert and everything in between - we find our best happiness doing things that help others along the way as well. Honestly - once you find said reasons - you end most of the time affecting others just by being yourself - it can be as simple as kindness in your eyes, or a smile that allows someone to recognize that they are not invisible.... so many different ways we and our actions can influence the world around us and the people that come and go daily... just living with a passion can change someone and awaken something in them that they didn't know what there (trust me on this I have been on the receiving end of this type of event - and it is pretty cool).
You don't have to have my mindset - don't even have to be close - but pure happiness can come from knowing you went out of your way to make someone else's easier... and the more we love and live our lives - the more we can help change the world and the people around us for the better! And in this - don't forget to accept things that come your way as well - you are worth it!
#changetheworldwithme
ac
However digging into my own processes, thoughts, and life - I have come to realize that life is and has always been for me (albeit at different levels of emotional, mental, and physical strength) - about big picture goals and helping others. Coming from an introvert that can seclude into my house with ease - the later can be tricky and sometimes you need to get creative. By helping others - it can be simple - owning a store gives me the flexibility now that I didn't have before .... and also gives me means and opportunity to do something nice for someone I know.
Money and things that are needs for people have always been something that can easily be given. Can put a smile on someones face and make people pause if not just for a few minutes and think "why" ... from that comes that uncomfortable feeling that can get in the damn way. Why is it that people cannot accept gestures from others - especially when they seem out of no where and that they are unworthy of it... and then it hit me.... there are at least two major reasons (and a host of minor individualize ones) that come to play here.
First of all I believe deep down that we all feel like we are unworthy of someone else going out of their way for us - for any reason [large or small] and because of that we feel incredibly guilty almost of taking something given to us with no rhyme or reason behind it ... and secondly I believe that we have become as a society - people who have what they feel is a clear view of what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours - and when those boundaries are given up my someone so freely and unfounded - then we get uneasy and think there must be something underlying here that I am missing - what's the hidden agenda? what do they want from me in return or out of me? (cause isn't there always something?). And this is not always untrue is the problem - so how is someone supposed to break down these types of social barriers without seeming shady or crooked in some way or another?
I truly find such complete joy out of seeing people happy, surprised, and/or taken back by kindness and thoughtfulness - in small things or big ones. I like to look for ways to do something nice for people - think ahead and find something I can do to help or just make someone smile. How can one truly try to make someones day if always being second guessed.
Well first of all - you need to have some thick skin and be pretty confident in yourself. There will be people that reject the offers and reject your kindness - for many reasons (some of which you may never understand or get to know). This is not something that you should ever feel self conscious over - or you will want to stop doing it all together ...
but to further that point - you can do things for people or use that kindness as a way of finding your self worth in their reactions or doing things because you feel it is the only way that you will be accepted ... I have been there in both cases many times. Finding your worth in your relationships through what you do - is NOT healthy for either side of the exchange. In these cases you are offhandedly asking for affirmation through it that you are not good enough as just you and then also depending on their reaction - you can start believing that you are not even good enough when you try as hard as you can to be liked/loved by others around you. And trust me ... feeling not good enough for the majority of the first 25 years of my life and little bits after that - I can promise you that is it not a fun or easy place to be and is very comfortable to live with every day.
Now back around to the reasons for living - the blogs namesake today --
everyone has a different reasons they get up in the morning - and everyone has different paths they take to find happiness at the end of the day. Some are successful in this - others are not so much.
I have been on every range of this "happiness" scale that one could find .. and truly - first and foremost you find happiness in yourself before you can find it any where else - and from there once you do that - you can truly find your reasons for living - and what you can do in those reasons to help others around you.
I can say this until I am blue in the face - introvert/extrovert and everything in between - we find our best happiness doing things that help others along the way as well. Honestly - once you find said reasons - you end most of the time affecting others just by being yourself - it can be as simple as kindness in your eyes, or a smile that allows someone to recognize that they are not invisible.... so many different ways we and our actions can influence the world around us and the people that come and go daily... just living with a passion can change someone and awaken something in them that they didn't know what there (trust me on this I have been on the receiving end of this type of event - and it is pretty cool).
You don't have to have my mindset - don't even have to be close - but pure happiness can come from knowing you went out of your way to make someone else's easier... and the more we love and live our lives - the more we can help change the world and the people around us for the better! And in this - don't forget to accept things that come your way as well - you are worth it!
#changetheworldwithme
ac
Comments