greater is he who is in me then he who is in the world

Authenticity is a difficult idea ...
when i look at how many people know me
and understand me as
me...
i can't put too many names
down that fit into that catagory. I've been trying to think through why that is. ... i mean i'm sure that it's different for every person - we've all been through our issues and our problems that have brought us to this specific time in our lives and all the minutes and hours that turn into years.. have brought us here.. with all the genetic and social aspects of what that means.
SO... when is it that i chose to be authentic with someone (or at least start to be ... different people see different authenticity level of you at a time - i mean by saying that you can be kind of authentic with one person and be more authentic as to who you really are towards another .. and you slowly build up from there.. ) okey - once you start deciding or choosing to be authentic and open up to another person .. i think you start off slowly.. showing parts of yourself in bits and peices and seeing how they react... .and depending on how each peice goes .. you move forward...

I find it hard to trust and open up to people because I suffer from fear ... and that fear motivates me to do certain things and act certain ways in different situations... so before i can be authentic with anyone I have to trust the person and believe to some degree that this person likes me .. and we enjoy each others company and i guess then the biggest leap of faith for me is to get past the failure and insignificant person that i can believe i am and jump on with both feet hoping for the best ...

It's not that authenticity is impossibe... and i think that more than anything we need to look to God to let us know who we are .. listen to his voice and ask him to define you and to tell you what you mean to him and who you are... it is He that ultimately defines us and therefore once we figure that out .. we and we believe it at least to some extent.. then we can start being authentic towards other people .. if that makes sense... because we won't be as afraid of people finding out our flaws and the things that make us "look bad" because that is not who we are .. we are not our sins or downfalls.. we are God's children .. we are exactly who we are supposed to be and are becoming more and more like him...

from there the biggest problem comes from other people and the boxes that other people have ... and the expectations of society and the people we live with.. but then it begs the idea... why do care so much if the world excepts our downfall and flaws... if God does.. then that should be enough... why do we try so hard to look good for everyone else around us when the Lord sees us at our very worst and yet hopes for the best and forgets all the bad .... why do we want so bad to live in the world when we are not hear that long... and eternity is forever... I mean ... "greater is he who is in me then he who is in the world..." - i wish i could live as though i truly believed that more often.....

these are just a few random and very messy thoughts...

Comments

Meldon Mercas said…
I would have to say that it is because of one of the sad truths about human nature. We are vain. And I know for a fact that there are enough fingers on one hand to count the people who REALLY know me. And it is a defense mechanism that we use to avoid feelings of failure and rejection because we don't seem to measure up, and so we fake it to make it look like we do. It is a sad state of affairs, but it is how our society has developed and is continueing to go.

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