failing beautifully once again

"as the details of my
world fall apart
you are the solid ground
on which i stand
time after time.
i'm sure that there
is an end to this madness
somewhere down the line
and a reason for
this mess that is covering me.
but, it would be a lot easier to
see it all from the view
up there.
It's not that I can't feel
you here, i just doubt the
fact that i acutally believe it.
cause despite my faith and love for you,
i've decided
to plug my ears to the words
you have tried to whisper in my ears.
i guess i just don't want to hear
everything that i already know
again
because sometimes it makes so little sense.
so many times i get tangled up
in my pain and confusion
that i can't
(or don't want to)
get nraveled from the bundle of knots.
Yet, in the midst of my consuming worry
i could definitely use your
reassuring words or feel your love
-that i try to hard to resist-
to encapsulate me.
but now
as i try to pull myself up off
this floor and see above the
thick fog i'm living in
i faintly get a glimspe of you right
here with me
loving me despite
all of my failures and idiosynracies
and for all i am and all
that i may never become."

ac - 2005