i am totally interested in people and the way they interact with each other - people they do or don't know - we are a very complex species, one of a kind you would say :P and yet we can't seem to get along with each other ("christians" seem to have a special affinity towards this) we are on here on this earth, which we seem to be hell bent on destroying and we are not only destroying the only place in which we can habitate in this universe but we are all trying to make our stay on this planet as miserable as possible. people generally live for themselves...yet where does this get us... yeah we do pretty good jobs of pretending the happy thing... but in an age where the use of prozac (and other such drugs) are on a huge increase and we are constatly striving for the source of complete happiness - we are all failing miserably.
the search for happiness is something we will never find this side of heaven. this is not some stunt to try and depress you all even more but happiness is an idea fabricated by society... it is a nice fleeting feeling that comes and goes (never stays long and leaves us wanting more... it's like a bad addiction to a drug.
Joy is what we are really striving for.... that complete contentment with life the way it is ... giving your life to your creator and trusting that no matter what happens in your life - he has complete control.
we all (myself espeically) need to remember what it is we are here for and that it is not a place that we should ever be too comfortable in ... even though it is an easy trap to fall into and we all want to grab hold of our lives. i am saying all this mainly for me and just rambling to myself but i guess looking at things - when i take control of my life and put God into some bottle for later use (when i screw up of course) i constantly feel less pain and my life seems a lot easier... but i know as soon as i give everything back to God that things are gonna be some major hard times ahead - now it doesn't seem to appealing on the outside (i know) and it is a little hard to go into something knowing that it is just a matter of time before everything sprials downwards and my life is headed for stuff i don't believe i can handle... but that is just the thing - i can't handle it alone - but i don't have too, ever. everytime i am sure that i don't have the strength to deal with something, i somehow end up on the other side of it alive - and with the knowledge that God has used that in his bigger plan for my short life here on this earth that I can't see or even begin to understand...
anyway - i guess i'll go back to the main point of this... living for ourselves and taking our lives into our own hands (which i am continually guilty of) may seem like the path to the idea of happiness but when you see life as a quick stop off on our way to eternity - it starts to make less sense... and even though i know i will always have points where i take the low selfish road (the more appealing to the human eye) i want to make that conserted effort to take the higher road - the road that may be windy and have it's problems but will lead me to that eternity of utter joy that this small human mind of mine will never comprehend


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